Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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