so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize