Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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