I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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