Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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