i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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