I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize