..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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