She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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