i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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