Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize