a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Enjoy the penises
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize