RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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