All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize