There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize