If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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