I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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