How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize