new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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