im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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