1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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