I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He shit in the fireplace
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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