i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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