Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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