Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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