How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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