Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize