Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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