so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize