i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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