I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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