hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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