By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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