the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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