so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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