He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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