I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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