its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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