I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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