I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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