So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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