I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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