it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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