The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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