Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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