Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize