I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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