Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize