Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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