my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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